


after birth adjustments

by BestDeadFriendsForever



Series: Accidents Happen [9]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: I know very little about babies so please be gentle, I'm trans so Buck is too because I said so, Just some post-birth nonsense, M/M, Trans Evan "Buck" Buckley, Trans Male Character, i'll probably skip around a bunch after this tbh, it spans over quite a few weeks but oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29035203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestDeadFriendsForever/pseuds/BestDeadFriendsForever
Summary: “You’ve been saying ‘fine’ an awful lot lately,” Eddie said softly and scuffed his socked foot on the floor. “That you’re fine. That everything is fine.” Buck shifted uncomfortably at both the tone of Eddie’s voice as he grit out the word ‘fine’ from between his teeth as well as the direction this conversation was taking. “If you need a break, Buck-”“No,” Buck said firmly and clenched his jaw as he ducked his head.Eddie blew out a breath and even though Buck wasn’t looking at him, he knew that Eddie was probably scowling at the floor and counting in his head to keep his temper in check. “Okay.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Accidents Happen [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713259
Comments: 21
Kudos: 151





	after birth adjustments

Buck pinched the bridge of his nose as hard as he could to try and fend off the incoming wave of tears. It had been roughly a week since Bobbie was born and the pair of them had only been back home from the hospital for a couple of days. A couple of days of being at home with Eddie, Christopher, Bobbie… and _Eddie’s parents_. Eddie’s very critical and judgmental parents who had Eddie on edge at all times.

He leaned back against the back of the toilet and tried to blink away the tears that were burning at his eyes still. He heard Bobbie- who had been napping- start to cry and he let out a broken little noise before standing and making his way into the nursery where Bobbie’s cries were quickly turning into full-on wailing. “Oh, I know,” Buck said softly as he stepped up to the crib and set his hand against her stomach. “Give me just a second, sweetpea.” Buck chewed his lip as his brain scrambled to figure out how to get Bobbie out of the crib without pulling at his incision. Technically speaking, he wasn’t supposed to be lifting the baby from the crib on his own just yet, but he couldn’t just listen to her cry and he certainly wasn’t going to ask either of Eddie’s parents for help- and he vaguely remembered that Eddie had something about going out but Buck couldn’t even remember what for.

He bent over to try and grab her and felt a sharp pain go through him. He sucked in a sharp breath as white sparks burst behind his eyes. “Whoa, let me,” Eddie said and moved into the room to carefully lift Bobbie out of the crib. Eddie rocked on his feet and chewed his lip nervously as he looked Buck over, assessing for injuries like they were out on a call.

“I could have done it,” Buck said and he tried not to sound so put-out by Eddie helping him. Eddie was her father too. He just didn’t like feeling helpless and the past couple of days had made him feel like that since he could barely hold his and Eddie’s baby girl for any length of time without shooting pains. And he still wasn’t allowed or able to lift anything else.

“Well, if you want to change her diaper, feel free,” Eddie joked tiredly but it just didn’t hit right. It felt like a jab that Buck wasn’t doing enough. Buck’s breathing hitched against his will and Eddie’s eyes widened. “Buck, I-”

“I can do it,” Buck said, his voice a strange mix of watery and snappish, as he reached for Bobbie to take her over to the changing table. Eddie let Buck take her and Buck resolutely kept his back to Eddie as the tears rolled down his cheeks and he unsnapped Bobbie’s onesie. Buck angrily swiped at the tears with the back of his hand so that they wouldn’t fall into Bobbie’s face or onto her clothes.

“Buck,” Eddie said softly and stepped up behind Buck, putting a hand to the curve of Buck’s hip before pressing a feather-light kiss to his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know,” Buck said and tried to swallow around the jumble of emotions that threatened to choke him. “I’m just…” Buck waved his hand vaguely before he went about changing Bobbie’s diaper.

Eddie was a quiet, steady presence behind him as Buck worked and once Bobbie was in a fresh diaper and her clothes were all in place, Eddie stepped in and lifted her so Buck could get settled in a chair to hold her. Eddie brushed a soft kiss to her tiny forehead before helping to settle her in the cradle of Buck’s arms. “You know,” Eddie started carefully and Buck could tell he was tip-toeing around his words by the way that Eddie tucked his hands into his pockets to keep from chewing on his nails, his go-to nervous tick. “It’s pretty normal to crash, Buck. Emotionally, I mean. You just went through something difficult- under typical circumstances let alone everything else _you_ personally had to deal with- and in the books that I read, it’s normal for your hormones to just mess you up. It’s just your body’s way of adjusting.” Buck knew it. The nurses in the hospital had warned him that in a few days he might be a bit of an emotional mess, but it was different when he was feeling all of it alongside the pressure to instantly take to parenting an infant.

“I’m fine,” Buck insisted, but he knew that his voice sounded weak and unconvincing. “I’m just tired- I think.” Buck smoothed his hand over Bobbie’s back and focused on the way she was blinking at him blearily instead of Eddie’s concerned frown. “Honestly, I’m so tired I don’t know much of anything.” Buck quirked a small smile and Eddie managed one in return. They’d both tried to alternate who got up in the middle of the night with the baby, but with Buck not being able to lift her by himself yet and Eddie’s anxiety about Buck healing- though Dr. Carter had assured them both that the largest danger of blood clots had passed- Buck was sure that Eddie was actually more sleep-deprived than even Buck was. Which was saying something since Buck felt that at any moment, if he could ever get comfortable, he could fall asleep.

There was a knock on the door to the nursery and Christopher as well as Eddie’s mother were standing there. Christopher made a beeline for Buck and Bobbie and just pressed his cheek against Buck’s arm so he could peer over at Bobbie. “We heard her crying,” Christopher said and reached out to tap his fingers against her covered toes. Bobbie made a soft noise and wiggled her legs around.

“She’s okay,” Buck said and pressed a kiss to the top of Christopher’s head. “Probably just hungry.”

“I’ll go ahead and warm up a bottle,” Eddie said and Buck just gave him a grateful smile. Bobbie made a disgruntled noise and Buck knew it was only a matter of a few minutes before she was crying again.

“I can take her if you want,” Helena said and while Buck logically knew it was just an offer of extra help, it irritated him.

“Thanks, Mrs. Diaz, but I’ve got it,” Buck said and gave her a tense smile. She gave him a skeptical look before plastering on a polite smile and nodding indulgently.

“If you’re _sure._ Come on, Christopher. Let’s go finish up that puzzle.” She held out her hand for him and Buck had to bite his tongue to keep from telling her that Christopher didn’t need to hold her hand to walk down the hallway. It wasn’t his place because Helena wasn’t his mother, she was Eddie’s and Eddie just put up with it all with an air of irritation and an eyeroll when neither of his parents were looking.

Buck slumped a little once she was gone and tried not to fixate on the little barbs in the conversation. He was just feeling insecure because he was sleep deprived and new to the wonderful world of newborns. It was fine. He could do this. He felt those same irritatingly persistent tears burning at the corners of his eyes and he tilted his head back to look up at the ceiling to try and get rid of them.

“Buck?” Buck’s head snapped down to see Eddie standing in the doorway with a bottle in his hands and a worried grimace on his face. “What’s going on? Did she-” Eddie turned to look over his shoulder where he no doubt has passed his mother in the hallway.

“It’s fine,” Buck said and shifted his grip on Bobbie so that he could hold out a hand for the bottle. Eddie’s jaw worked for a minute before he handed over the bottle and shoved his hands into his pockets again. There was a tense moment of silence as Buck managed to get Bobbie to latch onto the bottle and start eating.

“You’ve been saying ‘fine’ an awful lot lately,” Eddie said softly and scuffed his socked foot on the floor. “That _you’re fine_. That everything is _fine_.” Buck shifted uncomfortably at both the tone of Eddie’s voice as he grit out the word ‘fine’ from between his teeth as well as the direction this conversation was taking. “If you need a break, Buck-”

“No,” Buck said firmly and clenched his jaw as he ducked his head.

Eddie blew out a breath and even though Buck wasn’t looking at him, he knew that Eddie was probably scowling at the floor and counting in his head to keep his temper in check. “Okay.” They had to just continue occupying the same space until Bobbie was done with her bottle, since Buck couldn’t hold her up properly to burp her and Eddie would have to be the one to put her back in the crib as well, but it might as well have been like being back in the ambulance with the live grenade between them precariously with the obvious tension that sat heavily between them.

…..

Buck only winced a little bit as he settled Bobbie into her stroller so he was going to take it as a win. He made sure her blanket was tucked around her securely and that she seemed content before he stuck his feet in his sneakers. He felt like he was about to crawl out of his skin if he didn’t get out of the house for a couple of minutes and his doctors recommended that he take at least one decent length walk a day. The worst of the danger may have passed, but it wasn’t a complete impossibility for a clot to form.

“Headed out for a walk!” Buck called as he grabbed his keys and stuck them into his pocket. “And I’m taking Bobbie with me!” Before he could hear any protests against it- from Eddie’s parents because of their _many_ opinions on what week-old babies were and weren’t allowed to do or Christopher because he didn’t want to be parted from his baby sister for that long- he was out the door with Bobbie.

The sunshine was hot overhead, but it didn’t feel as oppressive as normal. Must have had something to do with how smothered he was feeling inside the house. Buck kept his pace fairly slow so that he could be cognizant of how his body was feeling and he wouldn’t have to call Eddie to come get him when he was too tired or in too much pain to make his way back to the house. It had happened just once before and it had been so embarrassing that Buck had hidden in his and Eddie’s bedroom until his cheeks had cooled down. Still, Buck adjusted Bobbie’s stroller to keep the sun from shining on her directly.

He could admit to feeling better after a little while in the sunshine and their brisk walk- but as he turned the corner to head back into the house, he felt the weight slowly pressing in on him again as he got closer. He stood at the end of the walk and watched the front door for a while before he sighed heavily.

He was about to step onto the porch and reach for the door when it swung open and Eddie came out- face red and a scowl fixed firmly in place- fast enough that he nearly slammed into Buck. He reflexively reached out a hand to steady Buck with a soft hand on the elbow. “What’s going on?” Buck asked with a frown.

Eddie just gestured back at the house soundlessly and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just… need a second before I say something that I don’t mean,” Eddie grumbled and then lifted his head to look at Buck. Buck took him in for a long moment, the way his hair was sticking up in odd waves, the dark circles forming under his eyes, and the way there was the slightest sway as he tried to stand up straight.

“Come here,” Buck said and hooked a finger into the collar of Eddie’s shirt. He carefully pulled Eddie into a hug and pressed a kiss against the side of his head. “We’re just figuring things out, alright? It’s- it’s going to take a while for us to find our feet. I’ve never had a baby and it’s been ten years since Christopher was this small. I think we’re allowed to be a little wrong-footed.”

“Try telling _them_ that,” Eddie muttered against Buck’s shoulder, but the tension in his back was slowly releasing so Buck knew he was calming down.

“They’re your parents, Eds,” Buck said and pressed another soothing kiss to Eddie’s temple before pulling back enough to look Eddie in the face. He swiped his thumb just under one of Eddie’s eyes. “I can handle the kids and your parents for a bit. Why don’t you try and grab a nap?” Eddie shifted and Buck could tell that he wanted to argue. “Come on, Eddie. You’ve been taking care of me, now let me take care of you for a minute.”

Eddie chewed the inside of his cheek before nodding. “Alright, yeah. But just for a little bit,” Eddie said and scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Get some sleep,” Buck emphasized and leaned in to give him a quick kiss. Eddie held onto Buck’s hip for a moment before helping Buck get Bobbie inside and going to their bedroom to get some sleep.

…..

Buck felt his whole body go stiff and he couldn’t hear anything around him over the ringing in his ears. He stared straight ahead of him at the counter and tried not to let his emotions get out of control. He felt his breathing lock up in his chest as he clenched his hands on the edge of the counter until his knuckles started burning from the force of it as he watched Helena’s mouth moving.

It had started out as a fairly normal conversation. She asked him a little bit about how he was feeling and then she told some funny stories about trying to juggle three rambunctious and scrappy girls alongside a baby when Eddie had been born. It had made Buck smile to think of Eddie’s sisters with their big personalities but in much tinier bodies. Then Helena had started asking him questions about his parents and Buck had felt like he could hardly breathe as he choked out answers about when he and Maddie were kids. It only seemed to get worse as Helena started wondering aloud, not really even talking to Buck anymore but at him, why Buck’s own parents weren’t here to see their grandchild. The thought of seeing his parents made his blood go cold and it was like everything in him just shut down.

Buck closed his eyes tightly and he could feel the way the counter was digging into his palms and white spots dance along the edges of his vision. Someone touched his arm and he jerked violently away from the touch and before he could think about what he was doing, he’d raised his arms up in front of himself defensively.

“Evan… hey, it’s alright, babe.” Eddie’s voice broke through the ringing in his ears and Buck realized he’d been holding his breath and he let out a harsh cough before sucking in a lungful of air and letting Eddie carefully tug him to his chest. The familiar material of Eddie’s pajama shirt underneath his cheek helped to settle the ugly feeling in his chest and he turned his face into Eddie’s neck.

“Was it something I said?” Helena asked mildly and Buck felt Eddie’s anger in the way his whole body went stiff and he sucked in a sharp breath to no doubt start shouting.

“Eddie, please… don’t,” Buck murmured and it was likely only loud enough that Eddie could hear it. He felt a tremor go down his spine and his voice wavered when he spoke again. “Just… please.”

Eddie brushed a consoling kiss against Buck’s temple before pulled back so he could guide Buck over to the dining room table and settle him. “I’ll talk to her.”

“Talk or yell?” Buck asked shakily and he tucked his hands into his lap.

Eddie huffed and rolled his eyes fondly. “Talk, smart ass,” he muttered before brushing a hand over Buck’s head.

“Okay,” Buck sighed and slumped a little in his seat, exhausted.

“I love you,” Eddie before leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Buck’s head, his thumb smoothing over the nape of Buck’s neck and helping to ease the tension in Buck’s shoulders.

“Love you.” Buck tilted his head back to give Eddie a weak smile. Eddie grinned at him before turning back to the kitchen with his disapproving face on, making Buck laugh a little as Eddie made his way over to no doubt scold his mother.

…..

Buck was thankful that his recovery was fairly quick- though he pulled a face when Dr. Carter wasn’t looking when she told him and Eddie that Buck still wasn’t allowed to have sex- and he grinned over at Eddie proudly when he was able to lift Bobbie from her crib without any help and with only minimal pain.

But the end of Buck’s recovery period meant that Eddie’s paid paternity leave was quickly coming to an end. Something that Buck was disappointed with, and Eddie was already working himself up to be angry about.

Buck watched Eddie tugging on his work t-shirt and wiggling into his comfiest pair of jeans for his first 24 hour shift back, a scowl fixed firmly on his face but the effect was rather lessened by the way his hair was sticking up just above his ear. “Hey,” Buck said and got out of bed to tug Eddie in by his waistband, “come here.” Buck wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned against Eddie’s chest easily. “We’re going to be fine, okay?” Buck brushed his nose against Eddie’s. “You just go to work and do what you do best- or second best because you’re an amazing dad.” Buck gave him a kiss and Eddie didn’t immediately kiss back, too wrapped up in his head, but after a minute, Eddie let out a soft breath through his nose and kissed back. “And I’m sure that since our little miss doesn’t sleep through the night, we’ll be up to say hello,” Buck teased after he’d pulled back with another short kiss.

“If you need anything-” Eddie started but Buck shook his head.

“I can call Maddie or your Abuela or Karen or even May if I just need a second set of hands,” Buck said and he gave Eddie a soft pat on the small of his back. “You focus on work. I want you back all in one piece,” Buck said and it was still too fresh in his memory the night that he’d spent in Eddie’s hospital bed after Eddie’s fall before Bobbie had been born.

“Yessir,” Eddie said and leaned his forehead to Buck’s softly.

“Now go save lives,” Buck said and swat at Eddie’s ass playfully.

“Don’t start something we both know you can’t finish,” Eddie said as he stepped out of Buck’s grasp and shouldered his duffle bag.

“Two more weeks,” Buck said and Eddie pulled a similar face to the one that Buck had pulled in the doctor’s office, making Buck laugh and duck in to kiss him again. Eddie pushed his face away with a grin and shook his head.

“Behave yourself.”

“Could say the same thing to you,” Buck said and he wandered out after Eddie, just watching Eddie tug on a pair of sneakers and snag a travel mug of coffee. Out of habit, he went to reach for another one and then he frowned, but it was different from the angry one from before. “Hey,” Buck said and broke the silence that was starting to turn from companionable to stifling. “I’ll be back soon.”

Eddie seemed to relax. “Yeah, I know. But until then, I’ve got Chim chattering in my ear about dad jokes.” Eddie sighed and rolled his eyes. Chim had been taking the role of dad-to-be very seriously in most ways, but he was adamant that he had to practice his dad jokes and was even more adamant that Eddie was secretly hiding the best ones and that annoying him was the best way to get Eddie to spill.

“How’s that any different than him _telling_ you terrible jokes all day?” Buck asked with a grin.

Eddie snorted. “Fair point.” He fixed the top onto his coffee and then walked over to smooth his thumb over Buck’s cheek. “I love you, give Chris and Bobbie a kiss from me.”

“I will,” Buck said and titled his head to press a kiss against the heel of Eddie’s palm. He watched Eddie slip out the door, reluctance making his feet drag a little as he did, before he moved to check in on Bobbie and Christopher in their beds.

…..

Eddie was just finishing up cleaning up from breakfast when Bobby stepped up to clap a hand onto his shoulder. “It’s good to have you back, Eddie,” Bobby said and watched him carefully. “How’s Buck?”

“Probably driving himself up the wall by now,” Eddie said with a small smile. “Definitely missing being back here.”

“I’m sure he’s got enough to occupy his mind with at the moment,” Bobby pointed out and Eddie nodded. “And how are you?” Eddie paused from where he was drying the frying pan in his hands. “Wishing you were at home?” Bobby asked knowingly.

“That obvious?” Eddie asked and gave Bobby a sheepish look. Bobby shrugged a little noncommittally and Eddie chewed the inside of his cheek. “I don’t like missing out- I just- I can’t let it be like last time.”

“I hardly think your shift is going to make you miss out on that much. Though I’m sure Buck will be more than happy to put you on diaper duty when you get home,” Bobby said and bumped Eddie’s shoulders with his. “You made a mistake and you’re aware of it. You want to do better, so you will. And you don’t have to miss them too much, Buck asked if it was alright if he brought the kids by for a little visit.”

Eddie perked up a little and he finished up drying the dishes before tossing the dishtowel back to where it went. “Thanks, Bobby.”

“Oh, I didn’t say yes for _you_ ,” Bobby laughed and shook his head. “I’ve barely been able to see her outside of the pictures that Buck has been sending me and Athena. “Make sure you’ve got the truck inventoried and the ambulance stocked before they get here, alright?”

“Will do, Cap,” Eddie said and trotted off to do as asked, but now he had a grin on his face and a spring to his step. Bobby just grinned and tucked his hands into his pockets as he watched him go.

…..

Buck cradled the back of Bobbie’s head as he walked into the 118 with her strapped against his chest, her cheek pressed against the unbuttoned collar of his Henley. Christopher was just at his side and Buck let his other hand just brush against the boy’s shoulder as they made their way inside.

“Well look who it is,” Hen called and Buck grinned up at the loft to see her and Chim settled at the railing, shoulder to shoulder.

“I brought a few new recruits,” Buck teased as the pair of them made their way down the stairs.

“I’m not new, I know what I’m doing,” Christopher said and Buck smoothed a hand over his messy curls with a grin.

“You’re absolutely right, Chris. How could I forget?” Buck said and gave his shoulder a little shake, sending Christopher into bright peals of laughter.

“You better hand over that baby, Buckley,” Hen said and wiggled a little in place. “I’ve been waiting to get some quality Auntie time in.”

Buck felt warm at the idea that it wasn’t just him that considered the 118 as part of their extended family. “Alright, just a second. Still getting used to how this thing works.” Buck loosened the straps on it before slipping his hand in to steady Bobbie’s neck before slipping the straps off and letting Hen take Bobbie from his arms. He unclipped the last strap and just held onto the carrier as Hen rocked a little on her feet as she cooed softly at Bobbie. He jumped a little as he felt an arm slip around his waist.

“Hey,” Eddie said and pressed a quick peck against Buck’s shoulder before he dropped his arm to move to scoop Christopher up. He pressed a smacking kiss to Christopher’s cheek despite the boy’s protestations through bright laughter.

“Hey,” Buck said and he looked Eddie over with a small smile of his own. It looked like they’d been called out at some point because Eddie’s hair was still slightly damp and there was a smudge of soot on his neck that he must have missed in the shower.

“Is that Buck?” Bobby called from his office and then leaned out of the door so that he could see what was going on. He came out of his office the rest of the way and patted Buck’s shoulder. “Good to see you, Buck.”

“Though it’ll be better when you’re back in uniform,” Chim said from where he was now holding Bobbie against his chest.

“Still got a little bit of recovery time before I can do that,” Buck said and watched Bobbie carefully as Chim adjusted his hold on her. “And more leave stored up after that.”

“You’ll be back on your feet and into trouble in no time,” Hen said and kicked out at the toe of his shoe. Buck rolled his eyes and sent her a playful scowl. “And Eddie will be right behind you no doubt.”

“Absolutely,” Eddie said and settled Christopher back onto his feet and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “To keep him from stepping into even worse trouble.”  
“I think you mean getting into even more,” Bobby muttered and he shook his head before he held out his hands for Chim to pass the baby over. Bobbie fussed for a moment, but between Bobby’s gentle shushing and the expert way he held her, it didn’t last long, though Buck still lurched towards her out of instinct. “I’ve got her,” Bobby assured.

“I know,” Buck said and he chewed his lip for a moment before taking a half-step backwards so that he could lean into Eddie’s side. He felt a small smile tugging at his mouth with the way that Bobby was with her- so different than the first time that Bobby had held her. Eventually, at Bobby’s suggestion, they made their way upstairs and Buck found himself wrapped up in contentment in a way that Buck hadn’t realized had been missing. He loved his kids and he loved being their dad, but he missed the rest of his family as well.

“You’re going to be back before you know it,” Bobby said and bumped his shoulder against Buck’s as he settled down next to him. He had passed Bobbie off to Eddie and Eddie was talking with Hen, Bobbie cradled against his chest tenderly while Christopher leaned against his shoulder and smoothed a hand over her hair softly. “And you’re going to miss this.”

“Yeah, so that why I’m gong to soak it all in while I still can,” Buck said and tipped his head to the side to look at Bobby head-on. “And then I’m going to get back to work and scramble to figure out how to balance both.”

Bobby let out a laugh and nodded. “You’ve certainly got your work cut out for you, I’ll admit it. But I think you’ll be up to the challenge, kid.” He nudged Buck’s elbow. Buck felt warmth spread through his chest and he couldn’t help but duck his head to hide his grin. Bobby’s confidence in him, and the knowledge that he had two great kids and Eddie beside him, made him feel a confidence that he hadn’t truly felt in a long while.

His phone lit up and he grinned as he noticed Maddie’s number scrolling across the screen. He thumbed the button and stood to take a few steps away as he pressed it to his ear. “Hey, Mads,” Buck said and he rocked on his feet.

“I’ve got to tell you something,” Maddie said and there was an undertone to her voice that made Buck frown a little bit. “Mom and Dad are coming to L.A.”

Buck felt all the warmth and contentment that he’d been feeling wash away at those seven words.

**Author's Note:**

> Just so y'all no I have no intentions of including COVID in this -verse. It was like it didn't happen because I don't feel like having to retcon the arrival of COVID since it started in the US in March and Bobbie was born in June/July. I've been working on this for a while but then the motivation just dipped, but now that the new season is back- expect some more 911 content from me!  
> As always, comments are well-loved and help me to know what y'all want to see :)  
> -James


End file.
